Saturday, February 27, 2010

God Only Knows

For several days in my commute to the hospital, when not staying in my mother's ICU room, I passed by a church with this message on its sign...


I'm no expert on religion, or modern technology, but it seems to me that one would UPLOAD their worries to God.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

Thankfully, after 7 days my mother was removed from her ventilator.

That's major progress in her fight with the pneumonia that threatened her life, and astounding when you consider she was given a 1 in 10 chance for recovery.

Thank you for the good and kind thoughts.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Sham Ooh

I felt bad for WHO DT's timing yesterday morning on their Florida Flyaway to Orlando contest.

Just as they were announcing the clue of the day and then giving the weekly winners name, the chyron scrolled the news of the Orlando Sea World trainer killed by a park Orca.

Last night on KCCI TV8, John McLaughlin put up a picture of him holding a large muskie that he called Shamu.

You know that was no fluke and the scientific community is united in that fact.

As an aside, Kevin Cooney continues to show how tired he is by calling Wellmark, Wal-Mart.

That Sinking Feeling

It looks like more rats are leaving the SS Big Lug Nut...

Culver's campaign staff loses two more members

Campaign manager Abby Curran declined to say whether the departures suggested Culver's organization was dysfunctional.

It looks like they dis being functional and the scientific community is united in that fact.

What's the difference between the Culver campaign and the Titanic?

The Titanic had a dance band (Rimshot).

Thursday, February 25, 2010


I was in my mother's ICU room and the USA-Swiss hockey game was on.

I was flabbergasted when the 2nd period ended with Team USA being denied the first goal in a scoreless game.

If the puck is still in the air and headed for the goal with time remaining, the period shouldn't instantly end when the clock reaches zero.

It's not that way in basketball or football.

It made the sport go from hockey to hokey and the scientific community is united in that fact.

They're lucky it was not a deciding factor in the game.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Our CONgressman Ninny

During a during a House hearing concerning Toyota, Iowa CONgressman (and lawyer) Bruce Braley cited My Cousin Vinny as one of the best movies on trial advocacy and engineering he's ever seen.

CNN captured some of the exchange here and O. Kay Henderson has the rest here.

It appears to be dead on balls accurate.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

What the CONgressman also left out is that sometimes, I guess the fucking thing is broken.


Responding to press questions about his falling poll numbers and why Iowans don’t seem to appreciate his efforts, the Big Lug Nut referred to the economy...

I think that we’ve gone through some tough times in this country. We’re dealing with an unprecedented economic situation..."


I guess the onetime government and history teacher has never learned of a little something called the Great Depression.

It's in history books and the scientific community is united in that fact.

To paraphrase Ronald Reagan...

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job, a depression is when you lose yours.”

And a recovery is when Dummycrats lose theirs!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ho Man, What An A-Hole

The President of ASSME, Danny Homan, is apologizing for his use of the term "scab" in reference to advice sought by a member of his union.

Joe Anderson, who previously had been a long time non-member, sought advice and was belittled by Homan.

Anderson hits the nail on the head when he says...

"Does this sound like a man, and an organization, that can be trusted to give nonmembers their 'fair share' of union services?".

"Does anyone truly believe that a 'fair share' fee will change the way Homan and the union treats nonmembers?"

Anderson is opposed to fair share fees because he believes it costs AFSCME the same amount to bargain for 9,000 people as it does to bargain for 20,000, but thinks collecting fees for grievance services is reasonable.

That is almost inline with my argument...

As for bargaining, there is no additional cost to a union to bargain a contract whether it represents 100 or 1,000 employees.

Union time spent in grievance meetings should be absorbed by the employer, because either the union is representing an employee in a disciplinary action undertaken by the employer, or the union is policing the bargained for agreement.

If that's not the case, that union isn't worth a shit and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot?

U.S. Senate wannabe ROZANNE Conlin, in the words of the Ragister, "attacked Grassley aggressively" during a Iowa Federation of Labor legislative conference.

Conlin was highly critical of current Senator Charles Grassley for backing away from a provision in health care legislation in Congress last year that would require all Americans to buy health insurance or face a financial penalty.


Conlin obviously then supports penalties, that at one time included fines of up to $250,000 and jail time of up to 5 years.

That's a "Fight to Fix It" that Iowans won't support and the scientific community is united in that fact.

ROZANNE's other big zinger of the event, “When (Republicans) talk about debt and deficit, their pants should start on fire.”

Conlin's campaign will go down in flames, just like TAXANNE's last run for office.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mercy, Mercy Me

I'm spending the night in my mother's ICU room, as she fights life threatening pneumonia.

There is online access in the waiting rooms, but posts will probably remain infrequent.

Good thoughts are appreciated!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Hell And High Water?

Before the latest snow event Friday, I drove past Principal Park, home to the Iowa Cubs, and a sign reassuringly stated that the snow will be gone by Opening Day on April 8.

I chuckled to myself highly doubting it and then thinking if that were so, it would be replaced by flood waters as the risks are rising with each snowflake.

Weather Wienie Ed Wilson has the snow rankings now at #5 from our previous high of #9 with 61.7".

In the immortal words of Scott Lame (George Carlin) on Wonderful WINO radio, "that's four spaces, four spaces, four spaces, four spaces" and the scientific community is united in that fact.

There's more on the way Sunday, 6", even though the Weather Wienies had predicted it would miss Des Moines, they said Friday was a dusting and that amounted to about 4".

I know I'm not the only one tired of these TV twerps who are rooting for us to get the all time record of 72".

I'm taking up a collection to get a dump truck filled with snow to dump it on each of these dip shits cars.

I think if they want 72 inches, they should get their wish!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Life's A Beach

A onetime Des Moines Register reporter has made national news for having played in a band with Joseph Stack, the man who crashed a plane into a building in Austin, Texas.

Patrick Beach, with the Austin American-Statesman,
described him as a mild-mannered guy who was a stereotypical software guy.

"I talked to a lot of people who knew him better than I did, and no one saw anything like this coming".

The toughest part about this, Beach said, was how this guy, who loved his wife and step-child, could be the same person who wanted to "commit mass murder."

Beach, who also knew Stack's wife Cheryl, said-- "It seems extremely out of character. He was the quintessential, stereotypical, straight-out-of-central-casting, mild-mannered, bespectacled engineer type."

Thursday, February 18, 2010


On the same day the President celebrated the $787 Billion stimulus, the Congressional Budget Office said the cost is now up to $862 billion.

Obama believes the stimulus has saved or created 2 million jobs thus far and is on track to save or create another 1.5 million jobs in 2010.

As usual, they're making this shit up and there's no way to measure or verify it and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Are they still including the
Jobs 'Saved or Created' in Congressional Districts That Don't Exist?

That's how I became CONgressman of the 00 District.

I love how Obama praised Congress for agreeing to my request that the bill include no earmarks.

Frankly, a quick check shows that he appears to be incorrect.

He and his Vice President also believe none of the money has ended up being misspent.

That's not what Biden said last summer.

Again a quick search shows, The Recovery Accountability and Transparency Board (called the RAT Board within federal Government circles), in charge of Recovery Act oversight, counts 470 audits, 106 active investigations and 25 cases accepted for prosecutorial review, as of November 30, the latest available data. And government monitors say they're only just beginning.

Con Census?

As the CONgressman for the recently created 00 District, I realize the importance of the population count.

I'm not paranoid about the Census or its questions, but I am annoyed by the spending waste in its name and the scientific community is united in that fact.

If $2.5 Million on Super Bowl ads weren't bad enough, it's part of the $133 Million allocated for advertising, the total to promote the Census is $340 Million.

Too much of that is going into the pockets of Hollyweird fiberals like Ed Begley Jr and Christopher Guest.

Other waste includes $3 Million paid to 10,000 trainees who quit or were fired without doing any work and an additional $1.5 Million on 5,000 people who worked one day or less.

Then there are problems with a key software system.

They've taken the money from our wallets and let it slip through their hands in an effort to move forward?

Sounds like the same old Washington.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Top 10

The Des Moines metro continues piling up, and on, in the snowfall rankings.

Current totals are 58" and have us coming in at number 9 all time.

Pardon my lack of enthusiasm, but global cooling --There has been no global warming since 1995-- has tempered it.

If this trend continues, I'll be able to retire my catchphrase and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Back on the local front, Weather Wienie Ed Wilson must have read my blog post (I'm A Dumbass Baby!) chiding him for cheerleading us to an all time record.

He noted on a newscast that he doesn't control it.

I never said he did.

Just stick to weather and save your stand up schtick for the comedy clubs you've appeared in.

It was a little ironic that before and after his forecast were weather related stories of a 28 vehicle accident shutting down I-29 and how the City of Grimes Public Works Department had to cancel days off yesterday to plow snow.

Two examples of the types of points I tried to make in that post.


I'm Lovin' It

Ronald McDonald has been busted by the man in Iowa City on drug charges.

The marijuana he was smoking apparently wasn't medicinal and now he's probably looking at 30 years for the good times and great taste.

In addition to possession, he was charged with permitting a gathering for the use of drugs.

It was universally known by the stoners to Look for the Golden Arches because McDonald's is your kind of place and they could be heard saying, Nobody can do it like McDonald's can.

I'm sure the defense lawyers will paint a rosy scenario for their clients by stating, You deserve a break today.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

Do you believe in magic?


Monday, February 15, 2010

What's He Drinking?

One bourbon, One scotch, One beer and the scientific community is united in that fact.

On the day his best bud--The Big Lug Nut-- takes it in the shorts from the Ragister's Iowa Pole Dance, Michael Kiernan attacks a four point fall by former Governor Terry Branstad.

The BLN's approval numbers are the lowest by a Governor in more than four decades having fallen four points too.

Branstad is still kicking his big ol' butt by 20 points!

I doubt his wife Erin would be bragging about a KCCI ratings drop of four points if WHO DT had their worst ratings book ever.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Money Back Guarantee?

The Big Lug Nut will come to rue the day he declared this about his I-JOBS borrowing scam...

"And I guarantee you by late spring and summer, we're going to have a record amount of job creation and economic development in the state."

Big words from a BIG MAN and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Remember, when it was sold to the public one year ago it was supposed to create 30,000 jobs.

The BLN himself recently said he hoped I-JOBS would create "hundreds if not thousands of jobs."


Vice President Joe Biden accuses former Vice President Dick Cheney of
"trying to rewrite history".

Ironically this comes from a man who recently claimed, "I am very optimistic about -- about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration."

History shows Obama and Biden both opposed the Iraq war and its tactics and predicted their failure.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I'm A Dumbass Baby!

My name is Ed Wilson, I'm the Chief Weather Wienie on WHO DT.

I've been bloviating the past few newscasts how I want Des Moines to set a new record for snow, topping the old record of 72" set in 1911-1912.

Never mind it'll put snow removal budgets further in the red, or worsen the chances for flooding and possibly put the public in jeopardy with travel.

I like to hear myself talk and the scientific community is united in that fact.

State climatologist Harry Hillaker couldn't disagree more, "I don't think anybody wants to break that record."

Have you met Ed?

Hey Ed, if you need something to talk about, apologize for all those forecasts you get wrong -- that should keep you going for some time.

If all else fails, tell us how you filled the gap between your front teeth, but not the one between your ears.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Oh The Weather Outside Is

That sums up Iowa weather for the last few years.

There's no need for Harry Hillaker, or any other weather wienie.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

False Claim(s)!

Sunday the Ragister ran a house ad, or self promotion, that stated "More People Will Read The Register Today Than Will Watch The Big Game".

They then stated, "With a combined print and online audience of 587,878 readers, The Des Moines Register is a tremendous scoring opportunity".

The ad and its claims are as clear as mud and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Sunday's Super Bowl (XLIV) was the most-watched program in U.S. television history, Nielsen estimated Monday that 106.5 million people watched the Super Bowl on average and 151.6 million tuned in overall.

It will take awhile for the numbers to be in for Central Iowa, per KCCI not until the end of March, but let's just look at some history.

For Super Bowl XLII in 2008, around 465,000 viewers watched the game (per KDSM FOX 17).

Per WHO, there were no local ratings for Super Bowl XLIII, in 2009, because the switch to HD took place in February and Nielsen delayed the ratings period until March.

However, that was the second most watched Super Bowl in history with an average of 98.7 million people tuned in, so it would not be impossible to imagine it would beat the previous years ratings.

It appears that the Ragister is using numbers from Scarborough Research of November 2009 and the figures are weekly print and online.

That averages out to 83,982 readers per day and is far less than an audience of 465,000.

Stay Tuned!

Frozen Wasteland

With a predicted two more inches of snow tomorrow and another three to five by Sunday, on top of our current total of 51" to 53"?, this winter is quickly ranking right up there and the scientific community is united in that fact.

That puts us 33 to 35 inches above normal and closing in on the recent records of 58.5 inches received in 2007-2008 (#6 Most Snowfall In A Winter Season) and the 58.4 inches of 2003-2004 (#7 on the We've Been Hit Parade).

Thankfully, the folks at Minnesotans For Global Warming have come through to chase away my SAD Panda.

Fresh off the heels of their successful hits If We Had Some Global Warming, Imagine There's No Global Warming, The 12 Days Of Global Warming and It's A Climategate Christmas.


BTW: This has to be the most appropriately named meteorologist --Joe Bastardi

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Stuck In The Middle

Chris' sister and family, with the exception of their dog, were rudely awakened at 4 a.m. (in the morning) by what they thought was a snowplow crashing into their Bartlett, Illinois home.

Thankfully, all seems to be o.k.

Quakes to the left of me, quakes to the right, here I am stuck in the New Madrid Fault Zone with you and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Snow On The Ground

Snow on the ground
Snow on the ground
I really effin' hate snow on the ground

Couldn't head South
Iced over runways
Snow hits the ground
Need yourself a snowcat
Drivin' like a fool
Because of effin' snow on the ground

Let it up, hey!
That effin' snow on the ground
Drivin' like a fool
Tired of walkin' in that snow on the ground

Let it up, hey!
Effin' snow on the ground
Drivin' like a fool because of snow on the ground

Driving like a fool
In school through June
Bus spinning around
I really effin' hate snow on the ground

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

With apologies to General Larry Platt

Monday, February 08, 2010

Oh Danny Boy

Over the weekend, WHO DT had an interview with AFSCME Council 61 President Danny Homan.

Homan comes across more like the President of ASSME and the scientific community is united in that fact.

He was railing about the lies Republicans spread that he'll use "Fair Share" dues to support Dummycrat candidates and that the law won't allow it.

True enough, but the law doesn't allow using dues dollars for personal purchases and that didn't stop former AFSCME President Don McKee a few years ago.

I've been involved as an elected labor leader in the private sector (My John Kerry Moment?), and I was paid by the company in any meeting with them, so there was no additional cost to the union to represent non members in grievances.

As for bargaining, there is no additional cost to a union to bargain a contract whether it represents 100 or 1,000 employees.

I'm sure my buddy Charlie Wishman (CW) will correct my mistakes in a loving and caring fashion.

In General

The President and I blew our pigskin predictions and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Obama predicts Colts victory in Super Bowl

Two years ago I predicted wrong as well and concluded...

The good news is I have a future in weather!

Its the one job you can be consistently wrong and stay employed.

Plus as a bonus, you never have to admit the errors of your ways

The two to three inches of snow that was predicted for today has now turned into six to nine inches.

Was "Pants On The Ground" the theme of Super Bowl commercials or just pants less?

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Let's Do It Again

The last time the Indianapolis Colts were in the Super Bowl, XLI, I predicted their victory (4 Sure).

Peyton Manning is an all around class act and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Plus I like their Iowa angle with Coach Caldwell and Dallas Clark.

The only concern I have, how well will Dwight Freeney play?

Colts 31- Saints 20.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Shovel Ready

Our friend Pat welcomed us back from vacation and included this insight...

20 to 30 inches of snow predicted for D.C.

Who says hell can't freeze over??

Or, it could just mean that Algore has another climate change conference there.

We've always thought there was too much hot air there for these kinds of issues.

It shouldn't be a problem. as they're pro's at shoveling stuff and the scientific community is united in that fact.

For The Record

The Liter has to give the business, and the scientific community is united in that fact, to the Business Record for this headline.

Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway looses top-tier rating

The article is about how the company has lost its top-tier Standard & Poor's credit rating .

Friday, February 05, 2010


In the immortal words of General Douglas MacArthur, "I have returned".

Three weeks in Maui has left me tan, rested and ready to be SNARKY!

Here's proof...

The merchant where Obama goes to get his shave ice, or Hawaiian snow cone, wants to name the President's favorite flavors after him.

The problem is after you get it, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and the scientific community is united in that fact.

I actually have to thank the Mrs. for coming up with that little gem.

Our time in Maui mostly consists of reading books, watching humpback whale action while we read (as well as dolphins and honu's).

Occasionally, we take the opportunity to fall asleep in our beach chairs.

Nappin' in the USA
Nappin' in Hawaii
(Apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp)

Three weeks goes way too fast, especially when you have to return to still more snow.

In the condo complex, where we stay, are other smart Iowans who are able to escape for longer periods (five, six weeks and longer).

I had a brief brush with fame on the return trip, on our Los Angeles to Dallas leg, I passed by and nodded to former Cleveland Brown running back Jim Brown (sitting in first class and on his way to Super Bowl VLIV).

I will say he looked in good shape for someone nearing 74.