Go(o)d Stuff, Maynard

A Baylor University study "found that Americans hold four different images of God".

• Authoritarian God. Angry at earthly sin and willing to inflict divine retribution.
  
  
• Distant God. A faceless, cosmic force that launched the world but leaves it alone.
  
  
• Benevolent God. Sets absolute standards for man, but is also forgiving--engaged but not so angry.
  
  
• Critical God. The classic bearded old man, judgmental but not going to intervene or punish.

The Wall Street Journal's Opinion Journal came up with these "Gods"...

Multitasking God. Answers prayers by phone, fax and BlackBerry, all at the same time.

Noncommittal God. Loves his children, but isn't "in love" with them.

They asked readers for their contributions...

* Obsessive-compulsive God. Washes his hands of us hundreds of times a day.

* Codependent God. Enables us to sin so that we'll need him.

* Customer service God. "Press 1 for the Father, 2 for the Son, 3 for the Holy Spirit."

* Liberal God. Commands man to "be fruitless and divide"; is completely self-absorbed yet doesn't believe in himself; wants you to stop sinning but doesn't have an alternative; can't stop yelling, "Satan lied, people died!"

* Peace activist God. He's sending you to hell, but he supports the sinners!

• Hertz Rent-a-God. He puts you in the driver's seat.
  
  
• Avis Rent-a-God. He tries harder.
  
  
• Enterprise Rent-a-God. He'll pick you up.
  
  
• Visa God. He's everywhere you want him to be.
  
  
• MasterGod. Priceless.
  
  
• American Express God. Don't leave home without him.
  
  
• Budweiser God. This God's for you.
  
  
• Windows God. Plug and pray.
  
  
• Google God. For those who are always searching.
  
  
• Frugal God. Jesus saves.
  
  
• Chairman God. Sets the agenda, but doesn't get involved in day-to-day operations.