The Secret Is Preparation

After hearing of another Iowa football player being arrested, I believe Head Coach Kirk Ferentz is probably well prepared for any incident and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Here is Ferentz's generic statement --

“I was very disappointed to learn of the [state the incident] involving [insert players name].

He will, as a result, receive counseling and will attend an educational program. He will also receive some form of suspension and will do community service.

I still need to get all the facts concerning the incident. But, the matter and punishment will be handled internally.”

It's about as boring as his offense, but it seems to get the job done.