Ahoy Matey! That's A-Hoy Bill, Not a 'Ho

In light of the recent controversy involving Bubba, I had to share this e-mail I recently received.

US Navy welcomes the USS Bill Clinton
Vancouver, BC -- Headed for Seattle, Washington
The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today.

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, BC. The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F-14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) FA-18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diverse and includes members of all races, creeds, sexes, and sexual orientations. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and to appease all enemies of the United States.

An onboard DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound sincere.

In times of conflict, the USS William J. Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada. The ship also may be positioned near Democrat Party Headquarters for photo ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.

It is rumored that the ship will be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World". The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J. Clinton when someone realized that USS Blowfish was already taken. Free cigars for all