I Feel The Earth Move

The Big Lug Nut is going to participate in a Florida Triathlon next month?!?!?!

Anyone else get the mental image of a fat man in a triathlon suit?

I think I threw up in my mouth and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Stunningly, a doctor has given Culver a clean bill of health, giving him the OK to participate in the event.


The only triathlon Culver is well qualified for includes
















Double-fisting













Binging





















And Barfing!

Break My Stride?

The Big Lug Nut can boast(?) he completed his first "intermediate distance" triathlon (whatever the hell that means).

Per the Ragister, it took the BLN a little over three hours (3:03:27).

He floated for 1,500 meters (19:19), pedaled 20 miles (1:22:00) and plodded the path of the 6.2 mile run (1:18:00).

The BLN's bike time is considered by some to be a leisurely pace and his running time is figured as a slow to moderate running pace,
probably average.

The Liter will give him his props for the swim, but our theory is the BLN's bulk makes him naturally buoyant and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Culver had been training for nine weeks and came in last in his age group, of two, the other dude was two years younger and his total time was 1:53:39.

As we opined, last month, this is not his first try at an athlon.

Thankfully this is the only pic of the BLN triathlon, or is it?

Alms For Iowa

It looks like the Big Lug Nut is going to need to use his stein as a tip jar...

Iowa faces largest budget gap in state history

A projected shortfall of $1.07 billion!

What's the BLN's reaction?

His spokeswienee Troy Price noted this is simply an estimate and that a more solid look at the budget will be available after new revenue projections are made on Dec. 11.

He's right, it could get much worse and the scientific community is united in that fact.

The BLN's boy Troy also said, "Culver has done the hard work and made the difficult decisions to keep our budget balanced.”

Culver's hardest work has been lifting his fat ass off the couch and squeezing into his spandex to do a triathlon.

Maybe the BLN can get the Iowa Department of Revenue,which has the truest web site url (Iowa.gov/tax), to take donations like the U.S. Treasury.

They're tax deductible.

Fat Guy In A Little Coat

The Ragister has pictures of the Big Lug Nut in Iraq.

I was thinking that it conjures up memories of Michael Dukakis in a tank













Then I realized Culver's not in a tank, he's just that LARGE --Camouflage Is Not Slimming!

I bet they laid in extra MRE's, because he's always ready to eat and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Those are the worst pictures I've seen of the BLN since his triathlon.

He's like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy

WHY!?!?!

Sadly, I was wrong when I hoped that the Ragister had published the only picture of the Big Lug Nut in his triathlon.

Having no sense of decency, the Ragister has printed pictures of the BLN...SHIRTLESS!

Oh, the humanity!

And the scientific community is united in that fact!

Be forewarned if you choose to click the link, but The Liter will not allow our readers to suffer so by printing them here.

Ah! It's... it... it's a... ah! I... I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen.

Honest: it's just laying there.

Ah! And everybody can hardly breathe and talk and the screaming.

I... I... I'm sorry. Honest: I... I can hardly breathe.

I... I'm going to step aside, where I cannot see it.

That's terrible. Ah, ah... I can't.

Folks; I... I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because...I've lost my cookies.

This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed.

It does make me wonder if Jason Clayworth is into fatties?

Pressure

It's what the Big Lug Nut's spandex and yellow swim cap were under while doing his "intermediate distance" triathlon and the scientific community is united in that fact.

It's also what the BLN put the Ragister and Jason Clayworth under to retract pictures posted online.

I asked WHY!?!?! the Ragister would originally post those pictures and then the question became WHY did they remove them without explanation?

Krusty Konservative has the skinny(?) including the aforementioned pics (you've been warned)...

Clayworth Censored by Des Moines Register Staff

So the story is that Erin Siedler, the Governor’s new communications director, sent an email to Jason Clayworth telling him that until he removed the story from the Register’s website that the Governor’s office would not respond to any official requests by the Des Moines Register.

SNAP!

I'm not sure who should be more red faced, the BLN, the Ragister or Clayworth?

Is that a swim cap or condom on Culver's head?

Feel The Burn

Other than his visit to the Kentucky Derby, the day before the race to support his supporter -- Jerry Crawford, what has the Big Lug Nut done athletically since his triathlon?

He missed a big opportunity to join those in his office participating in Live Healthy Iowa.

Without the BLN, his staff won the traveling award for highest percentage of employees participating in Live Healthy Iowa among state agencies.

With him, the total poundage lost (901,042) could have easily topped a million and the scientific community is united in that fact.

I guess he got quite a workout by wielding 14 pens, having just figured which end of the pen to use, to put his Chester J. Culver on bills.

He's also been burning brain cell by thinking Iowa needs more study of merit pay for teachers, despite nearly a decade of studying the idea.

My Guarantee

In launching his latest campaign ad (Field Of Memes?), the Big Lug Nut told the press -- “I can guarantee you one thing, we’re going to win on Nov. 2.”

The press still has never pressed Culver on a previous guarantee from February --

"And I guarantee you by late spring and summer, we're going to have a record amount of job creation and economic development in the state."

Iowa's job gain in July was 1,700 jobs.

That's not a record amount and the scientific community is united in that fact.

I can guarantee you the 113,800 unemployed Iowans don't think it's a record amount of job creation.

The 30,000 jobs you told Iowans that I-JOBS would create would have been more like it.

Culver now is complaining of a hidden meaning in Team Branstad's latest ad.

Culver related that using the word, "big", over his picture is an inappropriate attack on his weight.

Odd, because he also told the press that he didn't consider the ad an attack on your “girth”?

Now he's trying to be macho and is challenging Branstad to a triathlon.

NO!

I still haven't got these pictures out of my mind.














Chet Culver has had his chance and Iowa can't afford to give you another one.