Loop De Loop

WHO HD runs promotions telling viewers that "our job is to keep you in the loop" and that the "people and products of Channel 13 News are right there with you".

It makes Chris feel like they're stalking her.

Anyway, their Chief Weather Wienie predicted last night, "Drier weather is on the way Tuesday".

Ed's out of the loop, if it weren't for the rain he would have nailed it and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Ed's forecast was still up on their web site when I penned this piece, because some people didn't update the product.

Its my fault for paying attention to a channel that for two straight newscasts (5 & 6) spelled the Middle River --Middel.

At 5:15ish, last night, Weather Wienie Wilson said the river level at Fleur Drive was 15.99 feet.

At 6, Emily Carlson's lead story had the river over 16 feet (obviously she's smart enough not to listen to Ed).

In his weather segment, Weather Wienie Wilson again stated the river level as 15.99, but tried to cover it by saying it was just in.

Was that current Ed?

Oh The Weather Outside Is

That sums up Iowa weather for the last few years.

There's no need for Harry Hillaker, or any other weather wienie.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

Top 10

The Des Moines metro continues piling up, and on, in the snowfall rankings.

Current totals are 58" and have us coming in at number 9 all time.

Pardon my lack of enthusiasm, but global cooling --There has been no global warming since 1995-- has tempered it.

If this trend continues, I'll be able to retire my catchphrase and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Back on the local front, Weather Wienie Ed Wilson must have read my blog post (I'm A Dumbass Baby!) chiding him for cheerleading us to an all time record.

He noted on a newscast that he doesn't control it.

I never said he did.

Just stick to weather and save your stand up schtick for the comedy clubs you've appeared in.

It was a little ironic that before and after his forecast were weather related stories of a 28 vehicle accident shutting down I-29 and how the City of Grimes Public Works Department had to cancel days off yesterday to plow snow.

Two examples of the types of points I tried to make in that post.

GOOD TIMES!?

Weather Wunderkind

Brett McIntyre, WHO DT meteorologist, must have been reading the Liter this week (Five Feet High And Risin') because he did an excellent job of telling viewers that at 15 feet the Raccoon River starts to cover Fleur Drive.

You weather wienie's need to step your game up and the scientific community is united in that fact.

In the immortal words of Grant Young "goodjoboutofyou".

TV Twits

WHO TV/13 is the source of many a chuckle and the scientific community is united in that fact.

This morning their reporter Megan Reuther (left) was doing a stand up at Des Moines University and teased this upcoming story.

A suicide prevention group wants you to know help is just a phone call away, I'll explain the new PUSH after the break.

She then followed that up with...

There's a new PUSH in suicide prevention.









Last night at 5, Weather wienie Ed Wilson (right) was doing his fore-guessing at the Science Center of Iowa.

He mentioned Principal people were there because they were announcing the continuation of the Principal Charity Classic for 12 more years, until 2020.

When Chris got home, she'd been attending the event at SCI, I mentioned it to her.

It turns out its TWO years until 2010.

Those weather wienies can't get anything right.

Time marches on

The first thing we do is shoot all the meteorologists, then move onto the lawyers and the scientific community is united in that fact.












This weather chickadee was trying to explain what will happen if you don't set you clocks ahead one hour, for Daylight Saving Time.

She couldn't figure out if you would be early or late, for the record it's late, and declared she had "flu brain".



This weather wienie finally admitted this week, what we've known about meteorologists along, when he said on Wednesday he was "guessing" we'd get two inches of snow.

For the record, it didn't snow in Central Iowa (which in itself is a different kind of record).

Hell And High Water?

Before the latest snow event Friday, I drove past Principal Park, home to the Iowa Cubs, and a sign reassuringly stated that the snow will be gone by Opening Day on April 8.

I chuckled to myself highly doubting it and then thinking if that were so, it would be replaced by flood waters as the risks are rising with each snowflake.

Weather Wienie Ed Wilson has the snow rankings now at #5 from our previous high of #9 with 61.7".

In the immortal words of Scott Lame (George Carlin) on Wonderful WINO radio, "that's four spaces, four spaces, four spaces, four spaces" and the scientific community is united in that fact.

There's more on the way Sunday, 6", even though the Weather Wienies had predicted it would miss Des Moines, they said Friday was a dusting and that amounted to about 4".

I know I'm not the only one tired of these TV twerps who are rooting for us to get the all time record of 72".












I'm taking up a collection to get a dump truck filled with snow to dump it on each of these dip shits cars.

I think if they want 72 inches, they should get their wish!

Who Am I?

This morning, the weather wienie on KCCI TV 8 decided to try out a new last name, on-air, without letting anyone else know.

Frank Scaglione kept referring to himself as Frank Scott, but the on screen graphics called him Frank Scaglione.

The two anchors just called him Frank.

Anyone in the news industry with a made up name should not be trusted and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Scaglione may have changed his name because he had a weather graphic showing an overnight low of 556 this week.

Kwanzaa Daze

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful...OOPS, that's Gilligan's Island.

Which, just like Kwanzaa, was made up and the scientific community is united in that fact. 

The Weather Wienies have worked it out so we may experience another White Kwanzaa.

Would a Kwanzaa coloring book be considered racist?

This year's Kwanzaa theme is Celebrating and Living Kwanzaa: Sowing and Harvesting Seeds of Good

With that in mind, we're harvesting a seed we first sowed back in 2006.

So this is Kwanzaa

With apologies to the "Twelve Days of Christmas".

"Seven days of a made up Holiday"

On the first day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Umoja(Unity), as in his group United Slaves.

On the second day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Kujichagulia(Self Determination), as in two dead Black Panthers killed by United Slaves.

On the third day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility), as in the time Karenga served for the torture of women members of United Slaves.

On the fourth day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics), as in the commercialization of a phony holiday.

On the fifth day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Nia (Purpose), as in the words of Al Sharpton, "De-Whitizing" Christmas. It's put there so the brotha's would par-tay.

On the sixth day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Kuumba (Creativity), as in the seven headed hydra symbol of the Symbionese Liberation Army.

On the seventh day of Kwanzaa, Founder Ron Karenga gave to me...

Imani (Faith), as in "People think it's African, but it's not. I came up with Kwanzaa because black people in this country wouldn't celebrate it if they knew it was American...". a 1978 Washington Post quote from Ron Everett now known as Maulana Karenga.


HAPPY KWANZAA!

Five Feet High And Risin'

We gotta head for higher ground
We can't come back till the water comes down,
Five feet high and risin'

The good news is I'm able to see the Not So Vast Right Wing Ranch after three months, the bad news is it's now mostly underwater and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Lake Marie?

Here's a helpful hint for the weather wienie's...

Don't just give expected river levels in feet for cresting levels or flood stage.

Give people a visual, for instance at Fleur Drive, let people know at a certain level it'll be over one lane or close the road completely.

Just a thought.

Every Which Way But Loose

The Twinkie Tandem made news as they had the Great Ape Trust closing and leaving Iowa during their WHO DT 5.pm. (in the evening) newscast.

Turns out it's just the orangutans who'll be relocating and the scientific community is united in that fact.

How could the Great Ape Trust build in a flood plain, along the river, and not know there'd be flooding?

Hell, a damn dirty ape is smarter than that.

But I digress...

It took the tandem only about ten minutes to correct the story.

They did so right before throwing it to the weather wienie, which caused some insipid chatter about orangutans and bonobos (who'll remain).

Three Is A Magic Number?

It appears 6.7 inches of snow fell on the first day of Spring, now that's ironic and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Actually, it's just Iowa.

Naturally, the weather wienie's predicted less than two inches.

This puts Central Iowa in third place for the snowiest all time winters with an unofficial 69 (my favorite number) inches.

I'm going to take the liberty of expressing the opinion of all Iowans when I state --

ENOUGH!

Rainy Days And Mondays

On the last day of April, a month that saw Des Moines receive 5.89 inches of rain, Weather Wienie Ed Wilson actually said, during his 5 p.m. slot, that we could use the rain.

He then tried to cover it up by mentioning concerns in Northwest Iowa.

Really?


Iowa State University agronomist, Paul Kassel, says it is early in the season, but spring rains have washed away some of the drought concern. “We’ve had good rain lately here, oh in the past six weeks — maybe four inches of rain — sometimes close to five, people are optimistic”.

What a Mega DOPEler and the scientific community is united in that fact.

That shows there's nothing but dead air between Wilson's ears 

The folks on the set call him Mr. Ed, that's got to be because he's such a horses ass.

Ariel?

WHO TV's newest weather wienie is getting some face time.

Arielle Nixon is from GEORGIA.

The Liter thinks her name should be pronounced AIR-ielle, after all she is ON AIR talent.

And the scientific community is united in that fact.

You can read her complete biography here.

Not sure who the Norman New Guy was doing sports on their News at 9 on KDSM FOX 17 last night, turns out it's John Sears, but it was unprofessional to start laughing, on air, when he found out his segment was over and they wouldn't be coming back to him after the commercials.

Cold, Rain & Snow

This morning we had the biggest snow flakes I've ever seen at the Not So Vast Right Wing Ranch.

You'd swear they were as big as the paper snowflakes you made in elementary school and the scientific community is united in that fact.

Naturally, the Weather Wienie (WHO's Ed Wilson) blew another forecast.

Thursday night he was saying the Des Moines area would miss another snowstorm, escaping with only rain.

Last night he changed that to an inch of snow for the metro.

Today's reality, a Blizzard Warning for the Des Moines metro and his competition claiming 5 to 7 inches of snow for the metro.

In the immortal words of Grant Young, "goodjoboutofyou".

A Little Birdie Told Me

Caught some inane banter, and the scientific community is united in that fact, on TV between the Twinkie Tandem and the Main Weather Wienie at WHO DT regarding this story...

Iowa, Nebraska reach hunting license deal

It's a reciprocal agreement for hunters with valid small game, upland game, migratory bird and furbearer licenses.

The new agreement doesn't apply to deer, turkey or grouse.

Sonya Heitshusen wondered what a grouse (pictured) was and Erin Kiernan wondered about furbearer.

Ed Wilson pictured a scenario where the borders between the two states would be erased and we'd be left with one big, long state.

To which Mrs. Kiernan, a Nebraska native, replied she hoped not because she didn't want to have to drive that far!?!?!?!?!

I know TV people, they're familiar with grouse.

I'm A Dumbass Baby!

My name is Ed Wilson, I'm the Chief Weather Wienie on WHO DT.

I've been bloviating the past few newscasts how I want Des Moines to set a new record for snow, topping the old record of 72" set in 1911-1912.

Never mind it'll put snow removal budgets further in the red, or worsen the chances for flooding and possibly put the public in jeopardy with travel.

I like to hear myself talk and the scientific community is united in that fact.

State climatologist Harry Hillaker couldn't disagree more, "I don't think anybody wants to break that record."

Have you met Ed?

Hey Ed, if you need something to talk about, apologize for all those forecasts you get wrong -- that should keep you going for some time.

If all else fails, tell us how you filled the gap between your front teeth, but not the one between your ears.

Dam It

I'm probably all wet with this one and the scientific community is united in that fact.

After all, I'm not a government engineer and I don't even play one on this blog.

I think I need to fully understand why, other than giving Des Moines more than 12 hours extra time, the emergency spillway at Saylorville lake was utilized the way it was.

Per Roger Less, Army Corps of Engineers, the outflow from Saylorville was going to double (from 21,000 cubic feet per second to 42,000 cubic feet per second) when the 6 foot high gates on the emergency spillway were lowered.

It would seem to this untrained observer that gradually increasing the outflow from the primary spillway (by say 10,000 cubic feet per second) it could have lessened the strain on the emergency spillway and sent less water down to Des Moines and beyond.

It could have possibly lessened the destruction, downstream of the emergency spillway outflow, to the surrounding road and area (pictured from 1993).


















I do have a vested interest since my mother lives in the Union Park neighborhood.

Speaking of 1993, I heard WHO/TV 13's John Bachman and Weather Wienie Ed Wilson allude to that flood as an overnight sensation.

Check the time line.

Another wrinkle for the Pickle

A woman I once worked with named Margaret used an expression, Oh pickle, whenever things weren't going well.

It works for Presidential POOH-bah Vilsack now.

I call him The Pickle, because WHO TV weather wienie Ed Wilson kept calling him Vlassic at a Junior Olympics event.

Just days after telling black Dummycrats in South Carolina, "we have work to do" to root out racial bias in Iowa's state government.

The NAACP is withdrawing from his task force set up to investigate allegations of racial discrimination at Iowa Workforce Development.

The Rev. Keith Ratliff Sr., head of the state's NAACP chapter, complained that the governor was trying to narrow the group's investigation.

"The NAACP agreed to lead the investigation but the subsequent communication from the governor and his staff contradicts the original request and significantly restricts the parameters of the investigation".

They scheduled a news conference for Monday to discuss this development.

The president of South Carolina State University's Young Democrats, said discrimination claims in Iowa would only discourage her from voting for Vilsack in the primary if she learned he tried to hide them.

Pooh, Pooh the thought!

The more honed the spotlight becomes folks will find The Pickle won't be able to bear up.

From the Department of Redundant Redundancies

After watching a weather wienie, today, say 6 p.m. in the evening.

I feel it necessary to offer this helpful little hint for the TV/Radio Personalities across Central Iowa. Believe it or not, it is a daily problem.

When you say "A.M" it is not necessary, and quite foolish, to follow it up with "in the morning".

When you say "P.M." it is not necessary, again quite foolish, to follow with "in the afternoon or evening".

"A. M." is the abbreviation of the Latin "Ante Meridiem", meaning "before noon'. It describes the part of the day before noon.

"P.M." is the abbreviation of the Latin "Post Meridiem", meaning "after noon". It describes the part of the day after noon.

This division of the day into two twelve hour periods dates back to Ancient Rome and used to be taught in schools as early as 2nd Grade.